Losing a pet is one of life's most deeply felt losses — and yet it's one that people often feel they're not "allowed" to grieve fully. If you're reading this because you've recently lost a beloved animal companion, know this: your grief is real, it is valid, and you are not alone.
Pets share our daily lives in a way that few other relationships do. They greet us at the door, sleep beside us, and become part of our family rhythm. When they're gone, the silence they leave behind can feel enormous.
Understanding Pet Grief
Grief after losing a pet often follows patterns similar to any significant loss. You may experience shock, denial, anger, guilt, deep sadness, and eventually acceptance — though these stages don't follow a neat order, and they may overlap or repeat.
Some common feelings include:
- Guilt — "Did I make the right decision? Should I have done more?" These questions are incredibly common, especially after euthanasia. Trust that you made the most compassionate choice you could with the information you had.
- Loneliness — The routines you shared (walks, feeding time, their spot on the couch) can feel painfully empty.
- Disenfranchised grief — Some people may not understand the depth of your loss. Comments like "it was just a pet" can sting. Your feelings are valid regardless of what others say.
- Physical symptoms — Trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and fatigue are all normal grief responses.
Practical Steps That Can Help
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
There is no "right" amount of time to grieve, and no correct way to do it. Whether you need to cry, talk, write, or simply sit quietly — let yourself feel what you feel. Taking time off work if you need to is not an overreaction.
2. Talk to People Who Understand
Reach out to friends or family who have experienced pet loss. Online communities, pet loss support groups, and pet bereavement helplines can also be incredibly helpful. In New Zealand, the SPCA and local pet loss support groups offer free resources. In Australia, the RSPCA and Pet Loss Support Line provide compassionate guidance.
3. Create a Ritual or Memorial
Many families find comfort in creating a meaningful way to honour their pet. This might be as simple as lighting a candle, planting a tree, or gathering the family to share favourite memories. Some people create photo albums, write a letter to their pet, or set up a dedicated memorial space.
Digital memorials are becoming increasingly popular because they give you a permanent, shareable place to collect photos, videos, and messages from everyone who loved your pet. It can be comforting to know those memories are safe and accessible anytime.
4. Be Gentle with Everyday Triggers
You might find yourself reaching for the lead out of habit, hearing phantom sounds, or expecting them at the door. These moments are normal and will become less sharp over time. Some people find it helpful to keep their pet's belongings for a while; others prefer to put them away early. Do what feels right for you.
5. Consider How to Include Children
For many children, losing a pet is their first experience with death. Be honest using age-appropriate language. Avoid euphemisms like "put to sleep" which can cause confusion or fear. Let them ask questions, express sadness, and participate in any memorial activities if they want to.
6. Know When to Seek Professional Support
If your grief feels overwhelming for an extended period, or if it's affecting your ability to function day-to-day, speaking with a counsellor experienced in pet bereavement can make a real difference. There is no shame in seeking help — it's a sign of self-awareness, not weakness.
Helpful Resources
We've compiled a dedicated page of pet loss resources and helplines for families in New Zealand and Australia, including phone numbers, support groups, and reading suggestions.
Grief is the price we pay for love — and the depth of your grief reflects the depth of the bond you shared. Be patient with yourself. The pain will soften, and in time, you'll find that the memories bring more warmth than ache.